Diario de FullaBella, 05 nov. 13

Either I live a really sheltered life or I played hooky on every single squash lunch day at school. Thank you all for the comments, suggestions and recipes on my journal yesterday. While I'm apparently very late to be hopping in the 'there's more to squash than plain old yellow crooked neck' line I'm glad I finally got here. Nope, never heard of acorn squash either; it's on the market list next (right after I try the spaghetti squash). Haven't ever had hemp seeds either. I really do need to get out more. For now, I'm enjoying saying it. Sqwaaaaash. Say it with me .. it's fun.

However, it is refreshing to know there are still so many good healthy foods out there yet to try. I actually fell head over heels for the butternut squash BEFORE reading it was considered a 'super food' and is good for relieving inflammation. Once I did read that my reaction was 'move over yams, there's a new orange food in town.'

Walking to the market yesterday it occurred to me I'm in approaching 15 months of this weight loss journey and am eerily very calm about it. In earlier journals this year I reflected that this was what I labeled the 'toddler' phase remembering it was repeatedly as I headed into the terrible two's when everything always fell apart.

But as I continue to shop the fresh food aisles and avoid anything with more than five ingredients on the label I cannot pronounce, it's reassuring to feel I won't get bored eating 'the same old food'. No excuses for ordering fast food or plowing into DH's junk food just to 'live a little'.

To recognize that I'd unceremoniously entered the toddler phase I'd been dreading was kind of nice. To realize I'd instinctively chosen a healthy new vegetable felt ... grown up. Instead of food replacements and supplements and processed nonsense lining my shelves as it did the past attempts at weight loss while I white knuckled every meal I continue to eat what I love and love what I eat. And I still love myself afterward MOST of the time.

The emphasis on the 'most' is that I need to do some work to resolve the mysterious attraction to 'stuffing'. DH likes the 'stove top' brands because that's what his mother cooked. And considering all the work and time needed to make real stuffing for only one person it's a 'spur of the minute' cooking compromise. But there is something about it that makes my night stalker limp into the kitchen and shove the leftovers down my throat once the sun sets. Either the carbs or some specific herb is leading me to eat unmindfully senseless.

So just as I finally figured out when was craving butter I really wanted 'salt' and when was going nuts wanting a Dairy Queen Belt-Buster I really just wanted onions & mustard... well, I am going to go figure out the allure of stuffing so that I can drive a another nail into the night stalker's fork hand. I'm going to figure out which herb is trying to steal my soul. It may be as simple as determining it was the oregano in pizza. Another trigger food to bury.

So here I am feeling unexpectedly calm about my toddler phase. Do I think I have this eating disorder weight loss thing licked for life? Absolutely NOT. I will continue to take it one day at a time, sometimes one fork at a time, for the rest of the days I'm granted to walk this earth.

Still raining here. I looked toward the heavens this morning as I worked in the misty back yard and proclaimed 'that's ok... get it all out of your system so the weekends are sunny, okay? Deal?' I'm so glad I don't have neighbors listening to me talk to nature, lecture the birds for eating my grass seed, exhale my pent up anger, or sing to the sky. If the drones are catching all that on audio video, so be it.

Thanks for stopping by ~ hope you're having a good day.

Bella