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Hi FS Buddies,
I came to Florida to work from here and stay with my Dad for 2 weeks. It's a nice break from the snow, gray, and cold of upstate NY.
As a binge eater, the most common reason I binge eat is not wanting to deal with uncomfortable feelings. As I made my way on Friday night I could feel the tension building and I started to talk to myself about not binge eating. Don't do it, be strong. I tried to negotiate, make rules, be kind, be firm but my psyche wouldn't have it. I stopped and got some pretzels pieces and smart pop. As I ate my way through Pennsylvania, I knew that the likely source of my anxiety was that my mind was putting me right back 1 year ago when I made the journey to watch my mother pass away. I was not going to re-experience the pain and agony of that trip. I was going to eat it.
On Saturday I started off with hopes that things would go better. I failed again. Again I was not ready to deal with these thoughts that were waiting to be dealt with. It was like an epic battle of wills. The body will not be denied and yet I was not having any of it. I got to the hotel and did not eat anymore except the cookies and candy of my drive.
On Sunday was the last leg of my journey. I decided that I would sit with the feelings. I would allow them to take me. I knew that was the only way out of this binge. So I let them come. And I cried while I drove. I cried again and again and slowly the desire to binge melted away.
I was proud of myself for finally being brave enough to let the feelings come. Today I got up at 5:30 and drove to planet fitness as my trainer texted me my workout! I did the workout, drove back, and started to work. I am eating only breakfast and dinner and doing 16 hour fasts. My Dad is doing them too and he went to the workout with me.
I feel for all of you binge eaters. I know what it's like but you have to know that if you don't let yourself "feel it" you will continue to binge. Journal, talk, think - let the feelings come. It will hurt, but they will pass, and you will come out better on the other side.
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